Coming Clean...

I never battle rapped. I'm sorry to anyone who I convinced on the contrary. It was a joke in which I hoped people would believe me, and it seemed to work, and I got a big laugh out of it. No hard feelings.





Having been tested three times in the last week or so I am completely fine, which makes me happy. I knew I was, but having physically gone through a couple of trials it's good to know I was right all along.





So I gotta try to get a girl. It's hard because now that I am student teaching, that eliminates physically going to the college, which, coincidentally, has many girls my age. There is this one girl at work who is just absolutely gorgeous and I know we at least have a few things in common, but of course our schedules never cross. I decided I'd try and go in when she was working and try to strike up a good conversation (which is not my strong suit when I'm consciously trying to impress someone of the opposite sex). Anyway, I had it all planned out of how, no matter what direction the conversation went in, I could bring it back to where I wanted it to. Well, I go in there yesterday, to buy the Lost DVD (not totally as a cover, as I did want it), and she isn't even working when the schedule said she would be!! Another time I went in there for a similar plan and when I got to the register someone else helped me!! Lastly, this weekend a bunch of the girls at work and the manager who is leaving soon are going to a strip club in Canada. Well they invited me, but of course I have to work! Only me. I decided yesterday to stop actively pursuing this and to see what happens as it is apparent that me trying as I have is not going to do anything. The seeds I tried to plant seem to not have taken...

God, I'm pathetic. Only once have I ever flat out asked someone out, and that was after she "disgustingly" checked me out, so I knew she was into me. The actual relationships I have been in sort of just came to me, leaving me without having ever really needed to ask anyone out. I also lack anything that even remotely resembles confidence. Don't get me wrong, I feel confident about my personality and my ability to make someone else happy and provide for them, etc. I just don't feel good about the way I look (and please, I am not fishing for compliments, so spare me any pity). I'm not going to write out the laundry list of problems I have with the way I look and the reasons why I feel the way I do, but I imagine at least some of the people who read this know at least portions of what I am talking about (and if anyone thinks I am talking about penis size, that's about the one thing I have going for me). I just need to man-up and find a girl who interests me and who I interest. That's also part of the problem, once girls get to know me, I think they start to like me, but I don't have many opportunities to even meet girls, let alone talk to them long enough to get an accurate feel for me once I relax and act completely like myself.

OK, I'm done putting myself out there for today. I really hate talking about stuff like this, as most of you know because I never talked to you about anything like this.





Oh yeah, the whole reason I even went to post today was to say that I am student teaching now, working seven days a week, so if I don't talk to you as much as I used to, that is why. I'll just be busier, not less interested in talking to you.




Random:

I'm a total hypocrite. I hate when people use journals to bitch about their lives. As you may have noticed, I like using this for the more amusing stories and ideas that happen or I think of. But what good is a journal if you don't reflect now and then?