What Do Germans Use As Birth Control?

Their personality!! Booyah!!


Here's a good story:

So this past Thursday was my last day of class and a lot of us decided to go out, but with everyone's conflicting schedules there was only a core group that I actually went out with. Erik Thor Hecker (who will from now on only be referred to as "Thor" or "God of Thunder") came over to do a little pregaming with Dan and me. He brought some Mexican beer for Cinco de Mayo. It was called "Cerveza Pacifico Clara" which translates into "Clear Pacifico Beer." Now I just need to figure out what the hell "Pacifico" means!! Anyway, we knew it would be good because it cost about 10 bucks for a 6-pack and was covered in dust. After I cut my hand trying to open it, I realized it wasn't a twist-off top. Good times. Then Dan and Thor made fun of me or proved me wrong or something like that, and gave each other "knucks." No "knucks" should ever be given at my expense (knucks - the hitting of two sets of knuckles provided by two separate individuals in celebration of some event). The three of us got a little loose and headed over to Coles to meet up with some people for dinner. We met with mine/our friends Audrey and C.T., along with Dave and Brandy who I don't know as well. It was a really good dinner. I got the "Black and Blue Burger" which was a good amount of beef covered in blue cheese and pepper. It was like an orgasm in my mouth...not like someone was having an orgasm in my mouth, but my mouth was the one doing the orgasming. Dan and Thor used peer pressure to get me to buy some beer called "Dos" something or other...I was disappointed when I ordered it and only one came out!! Then they made fun of me for always drinking Labatt Light and how I should "try new things." Fuck that. I tried "Dos" and it was good, but nothing great, I was done with Spanish named beer for the evening at this point.

Anyway, at dinner I was able to pitch my "Single and Shy" shirt idea and people seemed to like it, espically with the addition that the shirts are reversible and the inside says "Spoken For." See this way, when the shirts work out as well as I plan that they will, you won't need a whole new wardrobe, but can just flip the shirt inside-out. Anway, Brandy said how she saw a shirt that said "Single, Shy, and Hung Like a Horse" (something like that anyway) and I said that my shirt is for those of us who don't quite fit that whole description. I then proceeded to make masturbation jokes and other typical dinner conversation and Dave said to me, "you know Kyle, if this whole teaching thing doesn't work out, you really should get into comedy." The whole time he was saying this, Dan was just shaking his head and saying "don'tencourage him." See, Dan doesn't like it when people build me up, but only when they tear me down. But you know what? I still love him, with all my heart and sexual genetalia.

After dinner Dan, Thor and I went back to our apartment to drink some more store bought (read: "cheaper than a bar") beer. That is one of the perks of living right next to a bar. We then got into an hour long conversation about comic books (don't judge us). Dan was waiting for Mindy to come over, so Thor and I decided to head back to the bar. C.T. was playing darts with some dudes he didn't know and Audrey was talking to some dude she knew from high school outside when we got back. The four of us then regrouped and drank some more. Then we decided to play darts. C.T. and I kicked Audrey and Thor's asses. Then they bought us drinks. It was awesome. You don't want to play Stylez D. Wolf in darts, especially at Coles. They demanded a rematch and we kicked their asses even worse the second time.

It was around this point that we decided to go up to my apartment and play some cards. I mentioned sobering up, but then it was made very clear to me that no one wanted to play those kinds of cards and that we were going to play "Asshole." Ok, sounds good. I hadn't played in a long time, since Cool Tom was here actually, so I needed a refresher. But before I get too far ahead of myself, I need to discuss how we even got to the card game. We came in and Dan was still waiting for Mindy, so I figured the four of us could just play on my bed while Dan waited for her. Then Dan told me that we were all going to play in his room. "Great," I said. We brought chairs in there and I brought a couple bins to use as a table. Well, C.T. wasn't having that (I should point out that at this point he is already hammered). The rest of us are in Dan's room, setting up and C.T. is in the kitchen doing something and making a lot of noise. All of a sudden he comes in with the kitchen table, which had been covered in a bunch of crap. About 15 minutes later Dan smelled something burning and he goes into the kitchen and sees that the toaster over is on the floor (surrounded by paper), turned on and burning crumbs. Thankfully Dan stopped what could have been a monsterous fire. I go out to see what it looked like and C.T. went Tazmanian Devil on our kitchen. It was crazy. Anyway, we started playing and continued until it was hard to drink anymore beer. C.T. wanted me to go buy more beer, so I did and we didn't even use it, so now I have an extra 12 pack of beer here. Maybe I'll use it this coming Thursday after my last exam when we probably will go out again. Anyway, I gave C.T. my He-Man blanket and a pillow and he passed out on the kitchen floor. He slept in the fetal position. It was funny to see him in a "kids" blanket all curled up. Then Mindy came over and I acted like her, Dan and I were going to have a threeway--she didn't seem amused. Then the rest of us went to bed too. I had a hard time sleeping and at like 10 in the morning (keep in mind I got to bed around 4:30 or so and didin't sleep for a half an hour straight all night) C.T. walks into my room, still drunk, and throws my blanket and pillow on me waking me up!! I told him to just leave when he woke up, but he insisted on saying "good-bye" which I guess was nice, but sleep would have been nicer. Crazy stuff man.


Friday and Saturday I stayed in and did school work, cleaned the apartment up and just relaxed. It was nice. Today Dan and I took back our bottles. We got over 10 bucks for them. Pretty awesome. Tonight there are some new episodes of the Simpsons and Family Guy. Should be awesome.


Oh yeah, during the day on last Tuesday my African American History Professor asked to talk to me after class about an essay I wrote for a different class. The topic I choose for this other class was the Niagara Movement which was the first real Civil Rights group. Well, when I told him about it a while ago he said I could sumbit it for this essay contest (which I thought was through Buff State but is actually some Washington D.C. thing, so this is pretty big). Anyway, when I got to his office he told me the essay was "brilliant." He actually used the word. It wasn't "good" or "well-written" it was "brilliant." It really made my week hearing that. So anway, I'll submit that later in May and hopefully I'll be a winner for that scholarship money.


Things I want to buy in the near future:
Glory of This CD
It Dies Today CD
Kane Hodder CD/DVD
A full length mirror for my new room in the new house. (Don't ask)

I'll probably wait until I'm in my new place to buy any of that stuff though.

Last night I had a dream that I was dating a porn star. I knew she was a porn star, but she didn't know that I knew it. It was like that movie "The Girl Next Door" except nothing like that at all. It was awesome.

Today is Mother's Day. Make sure you thank her for getting it on with your dad.

Random:

"I am sure asexual organism bump into other things all of the time. Who is to say what is asexually appropriate in terms of randomly bumping?"