Planting The Seeds

Stop reading my journal and go see The 40-Year Old Virgin. Right now, just get up and go to a theater and wait for the next showing, then come back and finsih whatever it was you were doing. It's that hilarious.

I went with Greg and Dan on Sunday and I just absolutely loved it. It is a definite buy when it comes out on DVD.


The other day at work these two ladies came in. They were mother and daughter and the daughter seems to be a couple years older than me. Well I help them with some books, ordering some of Oprah's book club's recommended readings. I made fun of them for it and told them it seemed like the whole thing was a cult. We talked for a while, they made fun of me, I made fun of them, and they said I should be a comedian...see, the people who "get it" think I'm hilarious. Only morons don't get it. Therefore, by using the chain law, it is safe to say that if you don't find me funny then you are a moron. I'll do you one better. If you don't think I'm funny you should play the game "See Where It Comes Out." Get yourself a high-powered shotgun, load it with a buck shot, stick it up your ass as far as you can (lube is optional), pull the trigger, and see where it comes out. After one round of this game you will have done humanity a great service, and you should be commended. Anyway, the ladies wrote out a really nice comment card, so now I will get a star for my name tag. Good times.



I went to Darien Lake today with my Dad, Patti and Molly. That was a good time. Did some rides and saw half of the Batman show before they cancelled it because, and I'm not making this up, the Batmobile lost it's wheel and the Joker got away!! OK, it didn't lose a wheel, but it did break down, and the Joker did get away. Molly and I got some Dip n' Dots (the ice-cream of the future...now!). All in all it was a good time.


I'll probably be in Endicott Monday and Tuesday for a little because I have both of those days off. My mom's daughter is going to college this Friday and that means her favorite thing in the world will be leaving home, so instead of leaving her with her cats (and second favorite things in the world), I thought I could go home and see her. Also, some of my out of town family will be in as well, so I'll get to hopefully see a lot of that side, plus at least some of my dad's. Speaking of which, it looks like I'll be going to a Bills game with them in early October. It's when they are playing the Dolphins. That should be a really good time.


Random:

A professional age guesser at Darien Lake guessed my age right on the nose.

The Fall of Buffalo

Here's a couple things I thought were worth posting:

Matt left this past Sunday, so on Friday and Saturday we had some going away parties/gatherings/outings. On Friday some E.T.S. people came over as well as Greg and I. It was a good time. Pretty mellow. A lot of bullshitting people (read: girls) and contemplating drinking cat's milk. I think it would be ok because we drink cow milk and eat goat cheese (well some people do), so what's so bad about cat milk? Of course this is coming from a guy who would have no problems killing and eating any animal, pet or not. A little side note: before I die, it is a goal of mine to eat the flesh of every animal in existence. I hope I get the chance to. Oh, and we went to Bullfeathers which was definitely the low point (maybe second lowest) in the evening because it made no sense to go there and we just sat there, uncomfortable, and paying too much to drink when we had beer and no douchebags at home.

Saturday was a little crazier. We went out and meet up with some of my old B.U. Crew painting buddies, along with Matt and some E.T.S. people. We went to this bar that had the worst live music ever. It was cool seeing the B.U. guys, except they bring out the worst (or best, depending on how you look at it, because I personally love it) in me. This is where I just make fun of everyone mercilessly, mostly myself. I did that a lot over the summers at B.U. Something about that environment brings out the worst in people. Anyway, not everyone "gets it" and some get put off by it, I think that's why I do it so much with the B.U. guys because they get it (along with Dan, Matt and the other ETS guys I know). Also, I don't think the ladies like the self-depricating humor. They like a man with confidence. Speaking of confidence, I ruled at darts that night, well, actually my partner Ryan ruled at darts. Oh, and in the "Random/Could Only Happen to Kyle" category: a blonde girl just walked up to me, punched me in the gut, then acted like she was going to further kick my ass, as I just coward in fear until she left me alone. Weird shit.

Anyway, so we get in Matt's car, and I get stuck in the backseat, passenger side. Well as we are driving I see Mark "Champ" Champion across the street (MoonSkuad member). So of course I start yelling, "Champ! Mark fucking Champion!" Then I realize he can't see me because I am in the car, on the opposite side, so I lean over Ryan and his sister, stick my head out of the other window and yell "Mark fucking Champion!" I instantly see his shock/fear and I don't think he knows who it is, so I immediately yell "It's the motherfucking Wolfman!!! What the fuck is up man!?" Then we drove away.

After that we went to Bullfeathers, again, and it was even lamer. I just sat there and eventually peaced the fuck out, so I could get some sleep before work the next day.


Tuesday Greg and I hung out for a while and saw The Wedding Crashers. It was hilarious. It was even funnier because two 90 year old couples were there, sitting behind us, laughing at all the sex jokes and everything. It was a good day (coupled with the fact that the Simpsons Season 6 came out on DVD that same day). The only lame thing was that Greg and I went to 2.99 Tuesday at Subway, which I haven't seen in years, and which was just switched to 3.99 Mondays at this particular Subway. I ask you this, why Monday, Thursday makes so much more sense...come on, think about it.


Random:


If anyone wants to see Kris try and "battle rap" me, look at my last post under the comments. You can be the judge on who one.

More Responsibility, Same Pay

Media Play has been going well. They asked me the other day if I wanted to "run" the Music section. Basically I would do more and get paid the same. I think I'm going to do it, just so I keep getting hours. We have a new head manager and she is no good. She's always looking over my shoulder (not literally because she is 4 foot nothing) and secong guessing everything that I do. Sad thing is that she's always wrong when she tells me things, so I correct her and walk away. Good thing she isn't the one who makes the schedules.


I hung out with Greg about a week ago. That was awesome. He was playing Halo 2 on the internet and it was one of the more amusing things I've seen in a while. It makes me want to get it.


Tonight and tomorrow we are hanging out and drinking for a sort of "going away party" for Matt (who is leaving for Endicott/Number 5 on Sunday). Lots of E.T.S. people, Greg, hopefully Thor (the man), and me. Should be a good time.


I've played Texas Hold'em a lot lately...well twice. First at Audrey's and then at Thor's (the man). Both times were a whole lot of fun. I met a lot of new people and they were all extremely cool.



Now, a while ago I mentioned wanting to battle rap and everyone laughed at me...which I get because I joke around a lot, but I was dead serious. Without telling anyone I checked out a couple local ones, mostly at the Lion's Den. Well last Friday I got up the nerve to sign up and try it (after much practicing). I actally came in third place for the night. Here are the raps I did, best as I can remember them.

I did three rounds and each one I went second, so I was always on the defensive. They only gave us between 15 and 30 seconds:

Round 1:

my bust dogg, but your rhymes are moronic,
let me apologize if i come off as bein' sardonic,
what? what's that look in your eyes,
i'm not sure, is it confusion or surprise?
oh my words, well look 'em up in a dictionary,
that thing that props up the table, while your bastard kids play pictionary.
i spit fire and you're spit'n me ice,
now listen up, i won't be say'n dis twice.
your shit's played, and i'm about to get laid,
so step the fuck back, cuz i'm about to get paid.
i know i'm white, and that shit ain't right,
but tell your girl for me, that i said "good-night!"

Round 2:

ohhhh you called me vanilla ice,
well about that, it wasn't very nice.
that's like me comparin' you to a freestylin' al roker
wait a sec. let me call my dad, cuz he's a stock brocker.
my rhymes come off from the top of my head,
like your girl, pulling tricks on some other dude's bed.
now give me a sec, let me clear my throat,
i'm about to levitate, i'm about to float.
i'm on cloud nine, and i'm doing just fine,
whose that trick your with, i might have to make her mine.
i'm thinking i might just take her back with me,
show her what it's like being with a real man, 6'3".
now my rhymes are melodic and the ill brolic,
your rhymes are played out, must be all the chronic.
i know that i am white and that you are black,
that must be embarassing, since your rhyming is so whack.
so how about you take two giant steps back,
because i'm the only mother fucker on stage, who isn't a mother fucking hack!

The crowd went nuts at the end of that one.

Round 3...the one I lost:

that's cool, you call'n me a faggot,
sayin' i look like that guy from tv, did you mean bob saget?
on the issue of me being gay, i think i will pass,
i see your confusion though, cuz i fucked your sister in the ass!
again guys, i know that i am white,
but trust me, i'm here, ready to fight,
i'll fight tooth and nail, to get to the top
i'm sorry your last rap, was such a hip-flop!
but now i'm here, to save the night,
even though you got it nailed, the fact that i am white.
so lay off, and give me some room to breathe,
this night is done for you, so just get up and leave.
i'm about to dig you a shallow grave,
so come on everyone, give him a bye-bye wave.


This last one was close, but it went to the other guy...who I have to admit was good.



Random:

My balls itchs.